


this you know

by MathildaHilda



Series: until the end of infinity [4]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Ironstrange (if you squint)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 08:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16488752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MathildaHilda/pseuds/MathildaHilda
Summary: Dormammu knows everything and nothing, so much like the Ancient One, but she’s gone and you’re the only one with something resembling eternity and you bargain and die time and time again until time lets you live.Time is your enemy, yet time is your only friend.Magic dances over broken fingers and twists the minds of those too close, and it doesn’t hurt until you let it.





	this you know

**Author's Note:**

> This work was translated into Russian, and can be found [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/7917397)

You found it almost like meditating at first. The way your hands can heal even the most broken of people with only the help of a genius mind and a steady hand.

But meditation turns to stress when you feel your foundations shake and alone with your mind without the power to feel  _real_ , you wander to Donna and the depths of waters.

Donna drowned and you lived, and you feel that there might be something wrong with the Universe.

 

 

 

There was a time when you pitied those who worked with you. Worked  _for_  you even, if you ever were that bold.

There was a time when your hands were steadier than rocks and lighter than feathers, but that time is far away and long ago, and you watch with contempt at the way your hands shake, and your fingers refuse to curl.

You used to pity Christine. You don’t, not anymore.

You used to pity yourself. You stopped, but you don’t really know when.

 

 

 

 

There’s a spark of green in your mind and in your eyes from the first time you touch the stone, and you know everything and nothing all at the same time.

The Ancient One looks at you with no fear and every fear, but you don’t think it’s you who she fears.

She is ancient and alone, but infinity is what terrifies the both of you.

 

 

 

Dormammu knows everything and nothing, so much like the Ancient One, but she’s gone and you’re the only one with something resembling eternity and you bargain and die time and time again until time lets you live.

Time is your enemy, yet time is your only friend.

Magic dances over broken fingers and twists the minds of those too close, and it doesn’t hurt until you let it.

 

 

 

You don’t fly off to space on purpose, of course you don’t, but it’s not like you have a choice. But it would’ve been pretty cool if it hadn’t been for the fact that there’s a damn war raging in every corner of the galaxy.

It would’ve been pretty cool if you hadn’t seen stars in a not-so-distant sky and thought of souls twinkling in a red sky.

 

 

 

You end infinity with a snap of the fingers and stare into the eyes of the people you know will die and you tell them the truth.

You suppose that in a way, you give them a sliver of hope when you tell them that there’s only one ending where you win. But you see the pain in Stark’s eyes when he knows how many you lost.

You don’t tell him about the many times you watched the kid die. You don’t tell him all the different ways you’ve seen him die. Or Quill. Or Mantis. Or Drax. How not everything is the same at the same time as it’ll always be the same.

You don’t tell them how the woman, Gamora, dies because it’s the same in every one and it’s better not to know.

You don’t tell them about all the different ways things can and will go wrong and that the Universe will forever be at the mercy of the Mad Titan.

You don’t tell them anything, because knowing nothing is better than the knowledge simmering in your head.

 

 

 

It’s different for everyone, this you know, and so you’re not surprised when the sound of bees starts far back in your mind.

It creeps forward, stalks your thoughts and feelings like an animal and pounces when you feel your fingers chipping away into nothing. The cape tries its best to fight it off, but it’s connected to you and you’re connected to it, and so it flaps helplessly on the ground before infinity takes hold.

The kid goes last, this you know, and there’s a bit of shame in your voice and in your eyes but it’s nothing that Stark sees, because he’s too focused on accepting the loss of the Universe weighing down on his shoulders.

You look at him, and you see the possibilities the Universe has had, might’ve had and never will have, and it breaks your heart to force the burden of infinity onto the shoulders of the man you’d once despised.

You don’t hate him, this you know.

You lost. You know this too


End file.
